Skip the Small Talk: Ask the Questions That Build a Lasting Marriage 

You have prayed, processed, and maybe even picked out ring designs. You are in love and it’s real. But before the vows, take a pause and ask some questions that go deeper than “what do you like to do for fun?” or “What’s your favourite food?” Think about the kind of partnership you want to build and the life you want to create together. You want to make sure that beyond the attraction, your spouse embodies the qualities that would build a strong marriage. 

Remember, when considering marriage, it’s essential to look beyond surface-level compatibility. A successful marriage requires a deep understanding of each other’s values, faith, character and long term goals – that’s why you NEED to ask the right questions Before saying “I do”!

So, Here are 5 Unique Questions to Ask Your Intending Spouse

✨ 1. How does your faith shape your daily life and decisions?

Marriage is an institution established by God so the question about FAITH is very important. While professing faith is one thing, the real question is: how does that faith manifest in daily life? It’s easy for anyone to say “God first”, but how does that actually show up?

    So you would want to Ask them questions like:

• How do you pursue God when no one is watching?
• How do you hear from God?
• When you are making decisions–big or small, do you invite God into the process?
• How do you nurture your relationship with God on a regular basis?
• What does accountability look like for you in your walk with God?

Why does this matter? Because marriage will test you. It will test your values, challenge your patience, and stretch your ability to forgive. A spouse who is grounded in faith has a well they can draw from that isn’t based on circumstances or moods. You are not just asking them if they go to church, you are asking if they have a spiritual rhythm that anchors them when life gets hard.

At the end of the day you want to know: can we pray together, grow together, and be led by something greater than our feelings?

💸 2. What are your financial beliefs and habits?

Money can be one of the biggest stressors in a relationship if not managed wisely. That’s why discussing your financial beliefs and habits before marriage is crucial for preventing future conflicts. Your financial beliefs and habits are shaped by your upbringing, experiences, and even your personality. Understanding how your intended spouse thinks about and handles money isn’t just about agreeing on a budget; it’s about uncovering the core values that influence every financial decision. 

So you would want to Ask them questions like;

•  How did your parents manage money? Did they have specific rules or practices around saving, spending, or giving?
• What does financial security mean to you?
• How do you feel about debt? Is it something to avoid at all costs, or is it acceptable if it serves a bigger purpose like education or a home?
• How do you manage money on a daily basis? Do you have a budget, track expenses, or tend to just go with the flow?
• How do you feel about saving for the future versus enjoying the present?
• Do you have financial goals?

Understanding these beliefs and habits are very important. For instance, if one person has a habit of spending impulsively and the other believes in frugality, there’s potential for conflict. But if both partners can have an open conversation about their habits and make intentional adjustments, they can create a shared financial strategy that works for both of them. 

After the beliefs and habits go further to discuss financial goals and expectations.  Do you both want to save for a home, vacations, or retirement? Will you merge your finances, or will you keep them separate? Having these conversations early helps establish a strong financial foundation for your marriage. 

So, intentionally align your financial goals early to foster teamwork and minimize stress.

❤️ 3. How do you plan to carry the responsibilities and burdens of love?

Love comes with responsibilities and sacrifice. One of the greatest misunderstandings about marriage is assuming love will always feel easy. Even the most beautiful love stories have seasons of pressure, sacrifice, and discomfort. It’s important to note that marriage requires a fundamental shift in mindset from self-centeredness to self-denial where both partners prioritize each other’s well being.

That’s why this question matters: How do you plan to handle the demands that love brings?

This is not about who takes out the trash or pays the bills. It’s about being present when your partner is worn out, showing up when it’s inconvenient, and carrying each other’s burdens when life gets heavy.

So you would want to Ask them questions like;

• How do you respond when you are under pressure?
• What does sacrifice look like to you in a relationship?
• When you are hurt, do you speak up, shut down, or process it over time?
• Can you still love and serve someone when you’re not being loved perfectly in return?
• What does “forever” truly mean to you? 
• What does lifelong commitment look like in practical terms to you?

Responsibility in love means choosing the relationship over your pride, your comfort, or even your preferences over and over again. It is basically SELF-DENIAL—which means putting the needs of your partner/relationship first, even when it’s difficult. While the idea of self-denial may sound daunting, it is the key to deepening your connection and building a healthy, lasting relationship. 

🗣️ 4. How do you seek help when things get hard?

There will be seasons where love alone isn’t enough. Conflict, miscommunication, trauma, exhaustion–life will test even the strongest relationships. That’s why it’s necessary to ask: When things get hard, how do you seek help?

Some people grew up in homes where emotions were stuffed down and problems were never named. Others were taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness. But in marriage, humility and reachability are strengths because you will need wisdom beyond your own.

So you would want to Ask them questions like;

• Are you open to marriage counseling if we hit a rough patch?
• Have you ever been in therapy before? What did you learn from it?
• Do you have mentors, spiritual leaders, or friends you trust to speak into your life? 
• When you’re in conflict, do you seek resolution or escape?

How someone handles difficulty says a lot about their emotional maturity. Are they willing to slow down and self-reflect? The truth is, no one has all the answers. But what matters most is whether your spouse is willing to grow. Whether they are humble enough to admit when they are stuck. Because a couple that knows how to ask for help is a couple that can weather any storm.

🌱 5. Who are you becoming and are you willing to grow with me?

One of the most important things to understand about marriage is this: You are not just marrying who someone is today, you are marrying who they are becoming. People change. Life changes them. Seasons mature them and sometimes break them open. The question is are they growing in a direction that aligns with who you are becoming too?

So you would want to Ask them questions like;

• What areas of your life are you currently working on or surrendering to God?
• How do you receive corrections or challenges?
• Do you value feedback or do you get defensive when you feel confronted? 
• What’s one pattern or habit you are actively trying to grow out of?
• Do you want to grow with me,even if growth is uncomfortable.Its

This question is also about direction. Are you both moving in the same direction? Alignment in marriage isn’t just about shared goals or beliefs. It’s about shared posture–a heart that is teachable, a spirit that’s open, and a commitment to being transformed, even when it’s hard.

Finally!

When you ask deep, intentional questions like these, you are not just planning for a wedding, you are preparing for a marriage. These conversations go beyond romance, beyond surface-level compatibility, and into the heart of what makes a relationship last.

Remember,  you are not looking for perfection. You are looking for someone who is willing. Willing to have hard conversations. Willing to grow. Willing to love even when it costs them something. These 5 questions are not just about getting answers, they are about building honesty, openness and spiritual alignment that can carry you through every season of life.

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